Unformed
by Zandrellia
Summary: Sesshomaru has made a terrible mistake. Can he earn Kagome's forgiveness? What price will he have to pay?
1. Goodbye's and Hello's

Obligatory Disclaimer: I clearly do not own any of the characters within (even those who may or may not be originals), any of the settings, concepts, or other potentially copy-written works within this piece. I am merely a vessel; A messenger who conveys a story, nothing more, nothing less.

**Author's Notes: **This is me, killing writer's block. We'll see if I can pull this off.

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><p>The wind blew through her hair, carrying away her sigh but not the empty sadness that lingered inside her as she knelt down and placed the flowers on the grave before her. It had been years since these graves were filled, but it still felt as if it were yesterday for the woman as she placed a gloved hand against the lettering on the tombstone. A small wistful smile came to her face when she traced over the familiar name.<p>

"I know this isn't how we thought things would end. We had an agreement, but sometimes promises are broken in ways we cannot expect – often through no fault of the one making the promise. I've learned that now. I hope you can forgive me for everything."

The sound of a twig snapping behind her caused her to jump, and she turned to glance at the intruder through her dark veil. In his hands he held flowers as well, purple hyacinths – how fitting. Her lips faintly twitched. She stood stiffly and guarded, but did not step back as he neared and leaned down to rest the flowers along with the deep red roses she had set there.

"You have no right." Her voice held no anger, no real animosity, but it was clear that she would not give in to him if he chose to argue.

He nodded once. "You are correct, as usual. Can you forgive this trespass?"

Her eyes closed tightly and she pursed her lips, feeling suddenly very conflicted. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"

"Paying respects to distant family or…?" His question trailed off and both knew the unspoken portion quite well by now. Was she upset because he came to put flowers in remembrance or because he used it as an excuse to see her?

"Both. Don't even bother saying anything more. Just leave." She turned away from him, looking down on the grave before her as her lower lip trembled with the intensity of her emotions. If he didn't leave soon she was going to cry and she hadn't cried in months! Leave it to him to ruin a perfectly good string of stability.

"You could at least say _please_, Kagome." He said the words as if he was being funny, although they fell flat of any humor. In reality, he found none of this amusing – he just wanted to spend one more minute by her side, to hear her say a few more words. Even if those words were in anger, they would be worth it for him. He could cherish them until next year when they would have this dance again.

Her hands came up to hug her arms and she let out a sigh. "Please just go away, Sesshomaru."

His expression did not show how he felt within, how torn he was at the broken tone of her voice, or how he wished he could somehow go back in time and change everything – but he knew such things were beyond his power. Only _she_ had somehow escaped time, and he was still not entirely sure how she had done so. Backing away slowly, he knew he had to act soon or he would lose _everything_, and he had already lost so much as it was.

Kagome felt him leave before she turned to look at the space where he had stood beside her. How it was possible that emptiness could somehow feel even more lacking simply because he did not occupy it anymore both intrigued and irritated her. Letting out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding, she turned and smiled faintly at the graves once more, kneeling down to clean the next one.

"He won't hurt you again. I promise. You trusted him – we both did – and he broke that trust, so I'll protect you now when I couldn't before." Tears began to stream down her face and she let out a sob. Damn him! She'd sworn she wouldn't cry this year! Reaching up, she blotted at her face with the back of one of her gloves. "I'm sorry; I know you don't like crying. I keep trying to stop but it's not working so well."

Another breeze went past, rustling through the trees, and Kagome's eyes closed as she felt the air brush against her face. It was almost as if, for a moment, they were all here again and it was all some horrible, terrible nightmare that she had yet to wake up from. Unfortunately, when she opened her eyes the bad dream persisted and she was left alone to deal with the hollow discomforts it left behind.

Running her hands along the name on the tombstone, she smiled faintly and turned to the other. "I think you would have been good friends." The musical notes of her cell phone ringing halted her musings and she pulled it out of her purse, standing as she answered it quickly. "Hello? Souta? Yes, I'm almost finished. I'll be right there. Do you need me to pick anything up on the way? Okay. Be careful." When she hung up the phone she turned to look down on the grave again and gave a bow.

"I'm sorry he came today, Rin. I know you wouldn't hold it against him, but he has to learn his place." With a sigh, she turned to look to the other grave and gave a smile – her first genuine one since her arrival at the grave site. "InuYasha, I… I… I love you." Her eyes closed and she brought her hand up to clutch at her chest, letting out a slow breath before looking at the grave again. "And… and…" Her voice trailed off and she let out a sob, turning to run from the tombs, leaving them behind her but carrying the specters of their inhabitants with her.

Shortly afterward, she rushed into her childhood home with a wide smile plastered on her face. "I'm home!" She called out, entering and going into the kitchen only to pause when her mother stood there with a very weary look on her face. "What's wrong momma?"

"You have to let go, Kagome."

The daughter blinked and shook her head. "I don't know what you mean."

Her mother nodded and sighed. "I know it isn't easy, Kagome, but you have to let them _all_ go. You're still holding on to one of them and it's not healthy or even fair to their memory. "

Kagome laughed and shrugged. "I'm fine, momma. Everything is fine. I only visit once a year, it's not as if I'm going every day!"

The elder woman raised an eyebrow and frowned. Before Kagome could do or say anything other than squeak in protest, her mother took her by the hand and dragged her from the house – practically tossing her into the abandoned well house. "Kagome, do not come out of here until you've said a proper goodbye and let it all out." At that, her mother slid the heavy wooden door closed, plunging her daughter into partial darkness. "And no more fake smiles!"

Kagome frowned and rolled her eyes, letting out a huff at her mother's ridiculous behavior. If she didn't know any better she might think the woman would ground her or take away her television privileges! For what… because she was having a hard time saying goodbye? It wasn't as if she could help it.

How did you say goodbye to someone you barely knew and yet loved so deeply that you would have rather died in their place?

How did you say goodbye to the light in your darkness, the very thing that was your driving force to continue on despite great struggles?

How did you say goodbye… to your own child?

She stumbled down to the well, gripping on the wood and letting out a heavy breath before the tears began to fall from her eyes and drop into oblivion. She felt stupid, but started speaking anyway. "I wish I knew what to say. If only things had gone differently. If only I had never been born with the jewel within me and had never fallen into this stupid well – would things have gone better or worse? Either way, you would still not be here – but at least I wouldn't have known you. Isn't that a terrible thought to have about your own daughter?"

Kagome's lip quivered and she shook her head. "I did love you, very much. So much I would have given anything to save you. If I could have, I would have brought you here but every time I tried the well refused to grant me access. Momma, your grandmother, says it's probably because it was your time and your destiny to die. I hate that – mostly because she's usually right."

The tears intensified and Kagome let out a sob, her knees suddenly giving out as she swayed forward and slid down beside the well. "Why did you leave me? Was I not a good mother?"

Her hand came up to cover her mouth and she closed her eyes tightly, shaking her head. "No. I don't mean it that way. I mean…" Tears began to flood out of her eyes and she rocked and sobbed, unable to continue on much more. "I love you, Sachiko. I always have. I… I'm sorry."

She continued to cry, her wails soon emptying the courtyard of the shrine as visitors feared the well house to be haunted. All save one left. This one lingered in the shadows, listening and waiting. When she finally fell asleep, hunched over and resting against the well, he knew it was the best time for action. She had finally given him the bit of information he had been waiting for. Now he knew that the well itself was her portal to the past, and as such he might still have a chance to make things right.

With that in mind, he entered the small building, closing the door behind him quietly before leaping into the well in a single bound. When he found himself standing at the bottom of the same well, in the very same well house, in exactly four seconds time from when he'd jumped into it – he felt a bit of irritation. It would not let him pass so easily, it seemed.

He frowned and considered his options. After some thought, he finally decided the best thing would be to take her with him – although that might alter things far more than he anticipated. Still, it was better to do things right, even if it meant he might lose everything again. With a small nod of agreement, he jumped back up, scooping the sleeping woman into his arms.

His instincts went on high alert as he felt her in his grasp, so close and sleeping so soundly – that is, until he moved to jump into the well. Her eyes flew open and she gasped, going to scream his name but pausing on the second syllable when the magic of the well lit up and carried them through to the past.


	2. Happiness and Sorrow

Kagome felt happy.

She was light and comfortable. Things were good here. The air was warm and crisp, the sun was shining, and she and Sachiko were playing in the flowers. Kagome laughed when she heard a familiar voice calling her name and turned to see InuYasha with a wistful smile on his lips.

"Kagome, you have to choose."

Her brow furrowed. "Choose?"

Another voice, this one deeper and from behind her agreed. "Kagome, you have to choose."

She spun around, her eyes widened and her jaw dropping open as she saw Sesshomaru standing before her with his usual empty gaze. Slowly, she began to shake her head, her eyes closing as she let out a cry. Before she could say something, someone lifted her.

When her eyes opened she was in the darkness – her stomach was doing a strange and familiar sensation as she felt the air whip around her – and all she could see were two determined and familiar amber eyes. Anger rushed through her in heavy waves and she scowled before screaming out at him.

"Sessho…" Her yelling ceased as the familiar light of the well surrounded them and drew them in, pulling them through time. Kagome went pale as the blood rushed from her face. No. This was bad. This was very, very bad. She was traveling back in time with the one being she least wanted to even be around.

When they were on the other side, standing in an all too familiar glade of trees, Kagome frowned and glared at her captor. He set her on her feet gently but did not move away from her. For a few moments she allowed herself the thrill of his proximity, inhaling his scent before a frustrated sound bubbled up from within her and she stomped her left foot in frustration, a hint of her former self coming out. "Sesshomaru! What exactly are we doing here?"

He didn't grant her an answer at first, looking about before sniffing the air lightly. His gaze narrowed and he turned to her. "We have to go."

She rolled her eyes and let out a slow breath, mentally counting to ten before responding. "Go _where_?"

"To save them." Was all he said as he took her by the hand and pulled her to him, jumping into the night sky with a great heave and sending her stomach into fits.

"Save who?" She managed, despite how breathless their speed was making her.

Again, she was not given an answer – at least not verbally. Instead, her answer came at first by the lingering fragrance of burning wood and the heavy plume of smoke wafting in the night sky. When he set her down on a hillside overlooking a large mansion she frowned and turned to watch him as he ran towards the building which was clearly burning to the ground. Her eyes widened when she saw a woman running, she could not see her face clearly but saw a rather familiar set of red robes draped over the woman.

A baby cried.

Kagome felt her heart skip a beat.

All at once fear crushed her as her eyes darted around, looking for any sign of Sesshomaru. What was he doing? Was this where she thought it was? What would happen now? A million questions danced about in her mind, but each was laced with a heavy sense of dread.

Deciding that standing around would not get her any answers, Kagome's face hardened with determination and she ran down the hill towards the burning building. It did not bother her that it was on fire and clearly dangerous. If she died, so be it. She had nothing to lose anymore. What bothered her was why they were even there in the first place.

The sounds of a scream and metal upon metal alerted her to the battle and Kagome rushed through the hall, going through a doorway only to pause and stare into the bewildered gaze of none other than her deceased father in law. Well… soon to be deceased? Kagome blinked and stared, breaking out of her shock only at the rumbling growl of Sesshomaru as he sliced through a human man with ease. Her eyes widened and she looked from him back to his father, who seemed just as confused as she.

"You owe an explanation, Sesshomaru." His father said simply, but did not push for any response as he walked over to Kagome, clearly in pain, and took her gently by the elbow before leading her out of the burning building. When the three stepped outside, the roof collapsed. Only Kagome turned in startled fear at the crashing sound it made.

A few yards later and they found the woman who had fled. She turned, giving a happy sound at the sight of them. Kagome, however, gasped and her eyes watered. Her gaze darted between the woman and her newborn child … a child with twitching little ears atop his head.

"InuYasha?" Her voice came out startled and broken as tears began to fall from her face.

"That is a fine name, indeed." The father said, nodding in approval as he sat on the ground, leaning against a tree and closing his eyes. "Izayoi, we shall call him that." The mother nodded, a small smile coming to her face as she knelt beside her lover and held their child closer.

The sound of Kagome's muffled sobs and the fire burning was all that filled the forest for some time before the elder youkai spoke again. "Your explanation, Sesshomaru."

It was a question, but not a request. He demanded the information. Now. Sesshomaru looked to Kagome for a moment before turning to glance at his father whose eyes now bore into him. For a few seconds he was unsure what to say until he realized the perfect answer was already there. "I have someone to protect."

The great inu began to speak, but was cut off by an irate Kagome who turned on his eldest son with such fury in her eyes that even he trembled. "You have something to _protect_? _You_? You who could not protect those who needed it most when they needed you most? How **_dare you_**!"

Sesshomaru did not disagree. He did nothing, in fact, except close his eyes and take her wrath. When it was clear that his son needed direction, the elder youkai did what all good fathers do and said what needed to be said. "You have someone to protect, Sesshomaru – but what are you protecting her from?"

Kagome's expression went from livid to shock again in a matter of moments. Her mouth hung open and she closed it many times in an attempt to speak, but only managed to look like a fish out of water. He was trying to protect… her? When she finally was able to speak she was not very graceful, too surprised. "What?"

Sesshomaru turned to Kagome, truly looking at her for the first time that evening. "You deserve happiness. You were right all along."

Despite her overwhelming desire to do otherwise, Kagome still did a very good impression of a gaping fish only with added furrowed brow. Still, she could only say… "What?"

He looked away from her, staring back at the burning building in the distance behind them. "I will right the wrongs and you will be happy – and I will have atoned for my mistakes. Perhaps then you might find it within you to forgive me."

"Youkai and humans should be able to coexist. Why do we hate each other when we are so alike?" Sesshomaru looked to his father and Izayoi, who smiled at him in understanding. "Father, Izayoi and InuYasha should come to the ancestral home."

"Your mother and the pack will disagree, Sesshomaru. It is not safe for them there." His father responded gently.

"They will learn to understand or leave. You are alpha and I am the future alpha – if they cannot listen to our guidance they do not deserve to be pack." Sesshomaru's determination was clear; it was obvious he had considered this for some time.

Kagome gasped, shaking her head as her heart raced. This was not possible. "No." She whispered through dry lips. Her body trembled as she considered the implications of his actions. "Sesshomaru… don't do this."

He did not listen to her. She knew he could hear her, so he was obviously choosing to ignore her as he tended to his father and Izayoi with care, without any of the loathing for the human woman that he had carried for hundreds of years. She felt dizzy and tried to fight the overwhelming sensation that this was very wrong – that this would ruin something.

Sure, it _sounded_ nice and all, but what were the end results of all this? What would happen? Dread filled her and her body felt heavy as her mind raced, trying to piece together her concerns and find that missing piece. It was just there, barely beyond her grasp, she could feel it but couldn't really catch hold of it. Still, something was very wrong with all of this. She had to stop this.

Her breath caught in her throat as she felt his fingers on her chin, guiding her face up to look at him. "We must go, Kagome. There is more to be done."

She wasn't given an opportunity to disagree; he simply lifted her and carried her to the well where they paused for only a few seconds before jumping in again. The familiar sensation of the time warp enveloping them came once more and Kagome closed her eyes tightly, feeling both happy and sad at once.

When they emerged, still not in modern times, she sighed and pushed away from him. He released her and she gripped the vines and hauled herself up and over the well, refusing to look at him. She stomped down the path towards the village, as if her feet had a mind of their own, pausing when a familiar cry came to her.

"Kagome! Come quick! It's Sachiko!" Sango called out.

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open as fresh tears pooled in her eyes. No. This couldn't be happening to her. Was she so terrible in another life that she had to relive this moment twice? Despite her disbelief, Kagome found her feet moving on their own again and she was once more in her home kneeling beside her daughter.

Sachiko looked up at her with a faint smile and Kagome had the sudden realization that the child took after her grandmother Izayoi greatly in appearance, despite the white ears atop her head and the faint blue tint to her skin. Her daughter coughed, eyes closing momentarily before looking back up at her. "Where is father?"

Kagome's eyes slid shut and a tear raced down her cheek. Reaching up, she brushed at her face with her hands as she tried to force a smile. "He's out for a bit. He had to go help uncle Miroku." Oddly, Kagome fell right back into her role – not feeling at all out of place or confused. She remembered this moment better than any other in her entire life.

The wind would blow up under the door, flapping the cloth that hung beneath it. The sun would shine down through the skylight and warm the room, giving the floating dust life. Sachiko would take a few slow breaths and would say…

"I love father. I wish he would come home soon. He promised he would tell me a story."

Kagome nodded, fighting down a sob that tried to escape her and sniffing back her tears. "I know, he'll be back before you go to sleep tonight. Are you hungry?"

Sachiko shook her head, closing her eyes and reaching for Kagome's hand. "I feel sleepy, mother."

"I know honey. It's okay, get some sleep." Kagome had to fight down the sickening sensation growing in her abdomen as she forced out the last words she would ever say to her daughter. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Her eyes slid closed as the tears fell against her better judgment. She couldn't help it. She knew this would happen, that her tiny little girl's hand would slip from her fingers and fall to the bedding with a final thud, but that didn't mean that it was any easier to take.

A terrible sob wrenched from her chest as Kagome reached down to run her fingers along Sachiko's face. A heart defect – that was what she had learned later when she had returned to her own time. There would be no way to save the child without surgery or magic – and Kagome wasn't a witch so magic wasn't an option.

Kagome leaned down to place a kiss on her daughter's forehead before sitting up and staring around with a heartless gaze. What was her purpose now? What was the point in even existing if she couldn't save her own child?

"Kagome, you need to stand back now."

Her face contorted into a scowl and she stood, trembling in fury. "Go away! You have no right to be here! Leave me alone!"

Sesshomaru shook his head and reached out, grasping her by the wrist and pulling her to him. She melted like butter against his chest, an awful cry coming from her as she beat her fist against him. "It's not fair! Did I not do enough for the world? Can I not at least have this moment to myself? It's bad enough that I've lost my daughter – twice now – but now you're here to ruin it for me? Do you hate me so that you're determined to destroy everything?"

He reached up to pet her head gently before releasing her and stepping around her. Kagome frowned and crossed her arms. "You can't keep ignoring me, you know! You're the one who keeps bursting into _my_ life. I deserve some answers!"

When he lifted his arm, hers fell open and she gasped. Sesshomaru stared down on Sachiko with concentration before giving off a growl and slashing at the girl with Tenseiga. Kagome took a broken step forward, her eyes widening as she watched her daughter inhale and moan, turning in her sleep.

Sesshomaru turned to look at her with his typically unreadable expression and Kagome gave him her bewildered one, moving to follow him as he left the small home. She rushed after him, reaching for him but not touching him. "What… why? What are you planning, Sesshomaru?"

He stilled but did not look at her. "For you to be happy – I told you this. You were right all along. I was wrong and for that I must atone."

Kagome shook her head. "By changing the past? You can't undo what you have done, Sesshomaru!"

"Can I not?"

Silence stretched between them as Kagome felt that familiar sensation of dread creeping up on her. This was bad, this was very bad. Something wasn't right. If Sesshomaru continued to change the past on some strange quest to make her happy… that would mean. She gasped and frowned.

"Don't do this, Sesshomaru."

He finally turned to her, looking at her with certainty in his eyes. "I must. It is what you deserve."

She shook her head, fresh tears coming to her eyes - these tears for a long lost and deeply buried emotion that was now going to be gone to her forever. "If you change everything – if Izayoi and your father live and change youkai opinion on humans; if Sachiko lives; if InuYasha lives; if Rin lives… do you understand what that will do?"

Sesshomaru nodded once. "It will assure that you will never be angry with me again, you will be happy."

Kagome let out a sob, bringing a hand up to cup her mouth before shaking her head with greater ferocity. Her arms trembled as she reached down to hug herself and tried to overcome the overwhelming sensation of a long forgotten feeling. When her eyes met his, she knew this would be the end. "It also means I would never love you, Sesshomaru."

His amber gaze widened in startled realization and he reached for her, only for Kagome to fade into nothing before him. "Kagome!" He called, his heart breaking as he finally understood his own folly.

"Yes?" She asked, coming from within her house and looking at him curiously - with eyes that lacked anything more than a sisterly affection for a distant brother.


	3. Wrongs and Rights

This was all wrong. This was not how things were supposed to go at all. Kagome was supposed to be happy and forgive him, not _forget_ him. Sesshomaru felt a sinking sensation as the woman he loved came to him with a worried expression.

The woman he loved – his _brother's_ mate – tilted her head cutely and smiled gently. "Lord Sesshomaru? Are you alright?"

He winced at his own title, suddenly feeling it an insult as the word dug a knife into his side and twisted painfully. She gestured to her home. "It's not much, but you're welcome to come inside if you require a rest. You look a bit worried or ill. Are you sure you are okay?"

A scowl of distaste for her distant and overly cautious friendliness came to his face, causing her to gasp in surprise. Sesshomaru growled low and stormed into the small building that InuYasha and Kagome called a home. Pathetic, he ground out mentally as he desperately grasped for some sort of anger to fuel him. It felt right, considering the situation, but all he was able to gather was pity. _Self_ pity.

Kagome – _InuYasha's_ Kagome – came into the house and smiled as she waited for him to sit. When he did she busied herself with making tea and presented it to him as she would a stranger. He hoped the tea was scalding hot so that it could burn worse than the sensation rolling about in his veins at the moment.

What was wrong with him? He had let her down again. Perhaps it was better for her to forget him. She would be happy and he…

…he would be alone.

Lonely.

Taking a slow breath, his eyes closed as he took a sip of the tea and tried to ignore her exhale of relief when he swallowed. It was bitter. Bitter was good.

"Lord Sesshomaru?" Kagome called, but instead of opening his eyes and responding to her his mind wandered to a place he had visited often the past several hundred years – to his memories. Memories of a time past… memories of her, and of his errors; he had thought it all over so many times that he had been certain this was the best course of action. How had he made such a drastic mistake… _again_?

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

He opened his eyes and was standing before his young ward. Well, not so young anymore. She was a woman now, older and matured. He stared down on her curiously; waiting for her to say whatever it was she had to say. He would not be here long so she had to get her questions out now or wait some months before his next visit.

Rin smiled in understanding and shifted on her feet, looking away for a moment before glancing at him shyly. "Rin would like to come live with you."

His brow furrowed both at her unusual speech and at her statement. "That is not possible."

She looked contrite for a moment before smiling gently. "Please?"

Sesshomaru felt his nerves going on edge. She would be the death of him someday, he was sure of it. "We have gone over this before, Rin. It is not possible for you to live with This Sesshomaru. You must live among your own kind."

The girl nodded, her ponytail bobbing with the action. "Rin understands. Rin just does not feel safe here anymore. Kaede has died, InuYasha has died, Sango and Miroku are older, and Kagome is very sad since Sachiko died."

Mentally, Sesshomaru knew that would no longer be the case. Kagome would be happy and live alongside InuYasha until her death – long before either her daughter or her mate. In this memory, however, things had gone differently. InuYasha became depressed at the death of his beloved daughter Sachiko and aged dramatically, succumbing to pneumonia within a year of the child's passing. Kagome would be depressed, too, but would live through her sorrow and take over the role of miko for her people until a young woman replaced her in her thirtieth summer.

What was he supposed to say again? Oh, right…

"You do not feel secure in the human village?"

Rin shook her head. "No, Lord Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru considered his options, but knew that because this was a memory he would do the same thing he always did. "Go and fetch Kagome."

The girl did as requested, drawing out a curious and confused Kagome who gave a polite bow to him and smiled. "Lord Sesshomaru, always a pleasure. What can I do for you?"

"Rin says she does not feel safe to live in the village any longer. She insists on residing with This Sesshomaru but such arrangements are… complicated. It is best if she is mated quickly. However, she needs guidance on finding a suitable mate in order to overcome her fears. She trusts you and as you have already been mated This Sesshomaru feels you would be best suited for the task at hand."

Kagome looked surprised but nodded slowly. "I have worried that she has not taken a husband yet. Rin is a very lively young woman and I think having a family would be good for her. If she waits any longer it may not be possible for her to have children."

"Then we are in agreement?"

She smiled and crossed her arms. "Still, I think you can give her a little something as an incentive to try and find a husband. I'll make a deal with you, Lord Sesshomaru. If you allow Rin to live with you I will work with her on trying to find a suitable husband – when she does then she will naturally move out and your life can go back to being… _complicated_."

Sesshomaru's gaze narrowed and he let out a frustrated growl, despite how giddy he felt inside at the idea of this entire situation. The memory would not change, however, and he would throw a tantrum wherein he told her that she did not have any right to make demands. Kagome would laugh in his face and explain that he was the one seeking her help and thus she had every right.

In the end, Kagome and Rin would come to live in the ancestral home of the inu where he and his father before him, and his father before, and so on and so forth – had all lived and raised their pack. Things went as smoothly as he expected. His mother threatened to disown him, or at the very least murder him; meanwhile, his pack commented behind his back about how he was following in the footsteps of his failure father and brother.

To prove that they were not only wrong, but completely off base, Sesshomaru set Kagome and Rin up in a very distant corner of the residence and did his best to avoid both of them unless absolutely necessary. He had bigger problems to deal with anyway, and had little time to involve himself in the dilemmas of human women.

Sesshomaru's mother was pressuring him to produce an heir and would not step down as alpha until he had a son which she considered "suitable to be the future alpha of the honorable inu pack" – so far he had been unsuccessful. With six females, he had already sired twenty-two pups and yet had only one son, Katsurou.

The boy was no better than many of his sisters. In some cases, he was _worse_. Sesshomaru had no idea where the child got his temperament. While Katsurou's mind was formidable and would likely make an excellent advisor someday, he was too gentle, forgiving, compassionate, shy, and tender – not ideal qualities for an alpha. His only son went so far as to insult his father by announcing that he would not eat meat. How did one not eat meat? Sesshomaru had yet to understand.

What Sesshomaru's memories would never be able to show him would be the struggles that both Rin and Kagome faced. Both were human and female, which were bad enough in the eyes of many of the youkai within the inu pack. This often led to a few offhand comments and an occasional "accidental" bump or two, but nothing worse than that. Kagome, however, was more than just human and female – she was a miko, the former lover of InuYasha, and had failed to produce a child that could survive past their second birthday.

The only time Sesshomaru had been privy to such events had been when a lower ranked member of his pack had insulted Sachiko. Kagome, furious and unable to control her powers in her rage, purified the startled female before she had a chance to retaliate. Many in the pack felt that Sesshomaru should kill Kagome for her actions, or at the very least drive her out of the ancestral home.

None were brave enough to voice their concerns directly to Sesshomaru or his mother, however, and as such neither felt that it was worth their time to deal with the problem. If their pack would be cowards about it then there was no point in bothering. Kagome would stay until someone worked up the nerve to ask her to leave.

Instead of asking her to leave, however, the rumors about Kagome spread through the inu pack like wildfire and eventually reached the ears of one young inu male who had inherited, if nothing else, his father's sense of curiosity. Katsurou found his way to the distant corner of the residence where Rin and Kagome lived and was surprised by what he discovered.

He had always been told that humans were ignorant savages with little regard for academics and even less regard for hygiene, yet here stood a woman who already was half a head shorter than he but spoke with such authority on mathematics before her young pupil. Were they wrong about all humans, or was this one an exception? Eventually, Kagome caught him and invited him to join them. As days turned into weeks and weeks stretched into months, Katsurou would learn that not all humans are equal, that they had feelings, dreams, and desires – just like youkai.

Sesshomaru would learn of Katsurou's involvement when seeking his son for their sparring practice. While the pup insisted he was a pacifist and would never fight back, the father knew he had to teach his son how to defend himself at the very least. When his offspring was not present at the dojo, that was when he started tracking the young inu's scent.

He found Katsurou reading aloud from a book… in what sounded like complete and utter gibberish. He waited for the boy to finish and for Kagome to leave them to study from the books she had brought with her. She sensed his presence and came to him, saving him from finding some excuse as to why he was there or how she might know things he did not.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Kagome gave a small bow. "Lord Sesshomaru, your son was interested in learning some of things I have been teaching Rin in my efforts to gain her a suitable husband."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at that. "What have you been teaching her that Katsurou might have use of? He has some of the finest tutors in Japan."

"Your son seems to be quite interested in mathematics and science, both of which can be quite useful."

"How does any of this help Rin find a mate? How do you even know any of this?" He was surprised, not that she was smart, but that she was formally educated. Formal educations were expensive and rarely wasted on females unless they came from wealthy families or were exceptionally bright. While Kagome was not ignorant, he saw nothing in her that showed a startling intelligence which required such action. Even among his own twenty-one daughters, he only formally educated three – the rest were given a basic education by way of their mothers as they showed no remarkable aptitude for academics.

Kagome shrugged. "I went to school. Where I come from it is not optional. Would you like me to show you what I have been teaching your son?"

After she had gone over compound interest and carbon dating – two things he had never even heard of - but could see the value in knowing, Sesshomaru realized what Kagome's purpose was in teaching Rin this information. Intelligence was attractive. That thought caused him to pause and stare at her, feeling a sense of unease wave over him as their eyes met and locked. She smiled innocently, and he felt his stomach tie into knots in a most infuriating manner.

The Sesshomaru who was having the memory knew that this was a turning point in his life. While he did not love Kagome yet, his initial attraction to her was the beginnings of his interest. This interest would lead him, along with his curiosity, to come to Kagome nearly every night. After she gave the children their lessons, she would leave them to walk among the small garden around her quarters and Sesshomaru would join her – always leading, but she never seemed to mind that. They never looked directly at each other, but he was listening more intently in those moments than he had ever before.

"Where I come from we have many laws and moral guidelines on equality and rights." She said, taking a deep breath and holding it as she waited for his response. He knew that signal; that meant this was something that she felt was very important. Sesshomaru paused in his walk, Kagome immediately halting a few feet behind him, and he closed his eyes as he inhaled her scent.

"Tell me." With her exhale came a shining wave of happiness off her, beaming with her excited and relieved joy and intermingling amid her typical fragrance of light peony – sweet and gentle, but very present. Just like her.


	4. Certainties and Uncertainties

Kagome felt happy.

It bothered her that the youkai were so against humans without good reason. She had considered the best way to deal with this problem, and soon realized that she could not turn the Titanic around in a day – she would have to convince the most influential youkai that their long-held beliefs were wrong and let their opinions affect the rest in a trickle-down effect.

Just when she was ready to give up, as she had no way to get the attention of the most influential youkai, Katsurou had come to her – bringing Sesshomaru with him. It was a golden opportunity.

She hadn't expected Sesshomaru to give so easily on the subject, however. Katsurou was young and had a gentle soul, so it was not hard to convince him that just as not all youkai are aggressive or all humans are not ignorant savages. Kagome never thought she would get the chance to change InuYasha's stubborn elder brother's opinion, though.

Yet here he stood before her, his words laced with curiosity as he picked at her knowledge and made her dig deep into her studies. Sesshomaru made Kagome question everything she knew in new lights, made her doubt and feel just as excited when they came to an agreement on a subject as he did in learning it. It was to the point where she was just as interested in what he might ask or say. Kagome was hanging on Sesshomaru's every word, waiting for the next question or comment.

She paused and flushed, staring down at her hands in confusion. This sensation was familiar to her. The flips her stomach did as a fluttering sensation danced about within it, the breathless feeling she had any time he might glance her way, the weightless and yet entirely grounded way being near him made her feel. Kagome was surprised when she saw the first tear splatter along the smooth stones that lined the garden pathway.

"Kagome?" The concerned tone in his voice caused her to let out a small sob and she swallowed back against a thick feeling in her throat as she shook her head.

When she looked up at him, meeting his worried gaze, she stepped back once, chest heaving with the enormity of her realization. "Sesshomaru… I…" She was no longer able to use his title, speech alone was difficult. This could not be happening. She could not let this happen. "I'm sorry." She managed to get out, giving a small bow and turning to flee to the small sanctuary of her home.

"Wait." Such a simple word with millions of implications, yet he said it so easily that Kagome was compelled to obey and froze in place, with her back to him and her body shaking at her understanding. Her eyes closed tightly as she trembled, trying to ignore how she had somehow become infinitely aware of his presence.

Turning to look at him with a melancholy gaze, she was surprised to find that he had lifted one hand up towards her, his fingers lingering in the air mere centimeters from her body – the heat wafting off them and burning into her with the possibilities that they provided. If she were to just lean into him… if he were to just reach out more… if they were to let go of everything… they could have it all.

No. Kagome shook her head again and stepped away from him. This was not right. She couldn't do this. He couldn't do this. They couldn't possibly!

They could not –should not – be in love.

Yet there it was, the giant pink inu standing in the room that neither wanted to admit was there.

He was not the most brilliant male she had ever known, but he was interested in learning more and was willing to spend his time with her just for the sake of that. He had already proven that he was family –oriented to some degree and was very powerful. She had discovered so many things about Sesshomaru that she had never known or even considered possible.

Sesshomaru loved each of his children deeply and wished he could provide more for them than he was already able to give. Despite the fact that he did not have a romantic bond with any of his six mates, he respected each of them for their unique qualities and was able to point out how every one of them was special to him and how grateful he was for all that they provided him. While he and his mother were not exceptionally close, he understood her desire for Sesshomaru to have a more powerful heir than Katsurou. Kagome had disagreed on this, but he explained that it was just as much for Katsurou's benefit as it was the pack's in that if a strong challenger were to try to overthrow Katsurou he would clearly lose, if not die, and that would be detrimental to all.

Kagome realized there was more to him than he ever gave out. He loved in his own way. He was bound by duty and honor, which often prevented him from doing or saying things he longed to.

He learned a great deal about her, too. She was a miko by birth, but not by practice unless necessary. She believed all life was sacred, and that all creatures had equal rights to live peacefully among each other. She had a strong sense of loyalty and a firm belief in romance – an idea which did not settle against her educated background. He found that while she was very logical in some ways, many of her decisions and determinations were based on emotions.

She was a fascinating enigma. One he was startled to find he wanted for himself.

Luckily, she was in agreement with him in that this could not happen. If they were to pursue their surprising interest, the tiny flicker of their romance would bloom into an encompassing flame which would burn them both in the end. He lowered his hand and she composed herself, a faint blush coming to her cheeks as she turned away.

"I believe I should head to bed, Lord Sesshomaru. Good night."

"Do not do that." His voice came out harsh and grinding, as if he was trying very hard to remain calm.

Kagome blinked, licking her lips as she considered what she might have done to offend him. "Lord Sesshomaru?"

"_That_ – do not do _that_ anymore. When we are alone, call me without title. It is the least you can do now."

She paused, considering the implications of such intimate speech. "I don't believe that is a wise decision."

Sesshomaru nodded and turned away from her, looking up into the evening sky. "You are correct."

"Yet you want me to do it anyway…" She trailed off, feeling breathless and nervous. He did not respond, simply walked away and left her there to try and sort through her feelings.

"Lord Sesshomaru?" His eyes opened as the title and empty way she said his name grated against his nerves and he once again looked upon her, the woman he loved – his _brother's_ mate. She had a worried expression on her face as she watched him. "Your tea is cold now; would you like me to prepare some more?"

His gaze darted down to the small bowl in his hands before he gave it over to her, knowing that she would get even more agitated if he did not give her something to do. "Where is InuYasha?" He questioned, not really caring but wanting to make it out like he had some purpose here other than shattering his entire world to pieces.

Her eyes sparkled with joy and for a few moments his heart lifted at the idea that she might be happy to see him. "You're here to see InuYasha? I'm afraid he's gone with Miroku to deal with a problem in another village. He should return before nightfall."

Ah… she thought he was here to be brotherly. Not that she was happy to see him, but happy that he might be considerate to InuYasha. Apparently, despite the changes he'd made, their relationship was still that of two brothers who were far too alike to get along properly. Of course they were alike.

They both had their father's curiosity. They both wanted to be more powerful. They both loved the same woman.

A sick sensation filled his stomach, and he gratefully took the tea from her when she offered it, drinking it down quickly in an attempt to burn down the feeling. Closing his eyes, he listened to the sounds of the village around them, of Sachiko's gentle breathing, of Kagome shuffling about as she tried to keep busy. He wondered if it was too selfish to ask her to give it all up for the sake of loving him. Perhaps it was best if she didn't. He didn't really deserve it.

"Are you happy here?" He asked quietly.

Kagome gasped and stilled, turning to look at him and he opened his eyes, meeting her gaze for the first time in years without any animosity between them. A smile burst onto her face and her eyes danced with her pleasure. "I am very happy, Lord Sesshomaru, thank you for your consideration."

Yes, of course, _consideration._ That's all it was.

If only he had considered her more then, they wouldn't be where they are now. His eyes closed once more as he fell back into memories. More like nightmares brought to life.

"Lord Sesshomaru, I believe I should leave as soon as Rin finds a suitable husband. She has shown much progress and has made many connections with several human males over the months. I believe it will not be long now before she will marry."

His gaze narrowed on her before he looked back down to his scrolls, brow furrowing in frustration. She wasn't supposed to disagree with him on this. Did she not want to be around him, at the very least? The idea of her leaving him made him uneasy, and he'd simply offered her a permanent station as a tutor to his other pups – she had proven to be more than adequate for the job and no one could argue that having a human educator was a bargain, she would die off before she outlived her usefulness – as he put it to his mother.

This way he could have Kagome at his side, even if it was in a painfully platonic way, and would be able to provide a better education to his other daughters. He would have thought she would want the same for them. Where else would she go? Back to the human village where there was no direction for her? Couldn't she see he was giving her a golden opportunity here?

What he couldn't understand or ever know was her burning desire to leave as soon as possible. Each day with him was proving to be more difficult for her, and Kagome was beginning to hate herself for it. She still loved InuYasha very much and felt it was a dishonor to his memory to be having romantic inclinations for his brother, even if he was dead. The fact that the brothers had never seemed to get along and had tried to kill one another on multiple occasions only made her feel worse. She couldn't forgive herself for this – she had to leave as soon as possible and forget all about Sesshomaru.

That was what was best.

She kept telling herself that, despite her desire to just throw herself on him and get it over with. Even if he turned her away after spending one night with her, would that be so bad?

Yes. It would be terrible. She knew this wasn't how she wanted her life to go. She would remain loyal to InuYasha, despite her love for Sesshomaru.

They couldn't be together anyway. The present feeling towards humans in the pack was shaky at best, murderous at worst. It would be sad if any inu fell for a human – a downright tragedy if Sesshomaru did. His father had lost everything for his actions with Izayoi, Kagome would come to learn.

Sesshomaru's father had courted the young human woman for a short period, a whirlwind romance, and in that time he went from being the most respected to the most mocked. Only his sheer power kept him in rank and when he died, pity kept Sesshomaru's mother in the seat until her son could follow suit. It had been generally agreed upon that the great general had been tricked by some sort of witchcraft or other means which led to his fall and that Sesshomaru would clearly not follow suit.

Life could be so ironic.


	5. Questions and Answers

"More tea?"

Her voice drew him out of his memories once more and he looked up at her – the woman he loved … his _brother's_ mate. He handed out the bowl for her to pour more for him and watched her hands move delicately as she prepared the tea for him, wondering as he had for some time what it would be like for those hands to be in his, on him, touching him with as much care.

Sesshomaru let out a low growl before he could stop himself, and she paused looking up at him with concern before resuming her task when she saw no imminent danger. "Is something on your mind, Lord Sesshomaru?"

_You_ was probably an inappropriate response, so he opted to do what he'd become accustomed to when he had a dilemma – he asked Kagome her opinion on the situation. "This Sesshomaru is curious about something."

Kagome stilled and looked up at him, giving her full attention as she waited patiently for him to respond. Despite the fact that they were now sitting instead of their typical walks, he felt this was how she had always been – patient, considerate, kind… ready to do her best at a moment's notice. It sent a warm sensation through him to see her like that, instead of stealing sideways glances at her.

Oddly, a thick cotton-like sensation filled his throat and he swallowed in an attempt to wash it away, finding that it only served to make him feel even more uncomfortable. He struggled to find the right words to say, before settling on the obvious truth. "What would you do if you had the opportunity to right all the wrongs in the life of the one you cared for most, but would lose them in the end?"

Her eyes widened in surprise before she looked down at her hands in her lap and then licked at her lips, glancing over at Sachiko for a moment and then returning her gaze to Sesshomaru with a faint smile. "We do not love others for what they give _us_, Lord Sesshomaru. Loving another is enough, even if they do not reciprocate. The question then becomes a matter of what we give those we love and if removing the previous wrongs would be better than having us in their lives – or if, by some possibility, they gain more simply by having us in their lives."

She continued in preparing the tea, handing it to him before she continued. "For example, Sachiko was a very sick child when she was born – as you well know. If it had not been for you, she would be gone to us forever. InuYasha and I are eternally grateful for your generosity in using Tenseiga to save our daughter. Still, if we were to go back and make it where she was _not_ ill – if she had been born healthy, that would be detrimental to our family."

His brow furrowed, and he looked at her in confusion. "This Sesshomaru would think that any parent would rather their offspring be born healthy."

Kagome nodded. "Certainly, it would be better that way in many cases. However, you see… by Sachiko being ill we gained something greater than that."

Sesshomaru could not help his curiosity. "What?"

Her eyes sparkled with happiness and her smile broadened. "_You_. Before Sachiko's illness, you and InuYasha were distant at best – enemies at worst." She began to fumble with the hem of her kimono, a faint blush coming to her face. "Worse, he married me… a human miko. I know that you can never accept me, but I am extremely glad that you have come to better terms with InuYasha and Sachiko. For that, I am glad that she was ill. Our family is stronger now that you are a part of it in more than a distant way."

He felt sick. Sesshomaru knew that what she said was true, he had despised her simply for being human and had mistreated both her and InuYasha – but that was him before she had taught him so much. Now, he felt guilty that she would rather Sachiko be ill just for the sake of having him present in her life. Did everything he do hurt her?

Taking a drink of his tea, he considered her opinion heavily. Was her present happiness better than having him in her life? Or was it better for her to have suffered for the sake of having him in her life? It seemed that, in the life where she loved him they were not together – she couldn't even stand him. Yet, in this life, he was at least regarded as a beloved family member – but she did not love him.

Could he be so selfless as to give her up entirely?

Closing his eyes, he washed down a sigh with the rest of his tea. He was ready to leave, ready to walk out of her life and play the role of big brother for eternity… whatever it would take for her to be happy. It was enough for him to love her, even if she didn't love him in return. He would let it go and know that he had succeeded.

That was, until he felt something brush against his cheek.

His shocked amber gaze opened to meet her concerned eyes as she leaned forward and wiped a tear from his face. Both of them were startled at the notion that he was, in fact, crying. Her lower lip quivered. "Lord Sesshomaru… she must be someone amazing to have moved you so much."

Indeed. The amazingly beautiful, wonderful, lovely Kagome – his _brother's_ mate… he would cry for her. Only her.

"Kagome…" He ground out, his voice escaping with a broken, whining quality.

She blinked, a few tears welling in her eyes as she fed off his emotions. "Yes?"

"Forgive me."

She stared at him, brow furrowing in confusion before she said the words he'd been waiting so long to hear with a melancholy smile. "I forgive you." Kagome, of course, had no idea what she was forgiving – but would be so generous and compassionate as to give that to anyone that required it, even him.

He left her there, left her to her happiness, and returned to the well before falling into it in much a similar fashion as he assume a suicide jumper might throw themselves off a building. Lazy, tired, beaten and ready to give up… that was how he felt. Yet, he would never die from such a fall – so he would pretend here and now.

When he returned to the other side, looking up at the familiar roof of the well house, he knew that she would be long dead by now. But… he frowned and sniffed the air. His eyes widened and he climbed from the well slowly, afraid to find that his senses were tricking him into believing a fantasy.

As he rose from the well and saw her leaned there, sleeping against the side of the well, tears drying to her beautiful face he wondered how this was possible. It was as if he had done nothing.

Looking down, he wondered if the well worked differently than even Kagome expected. Perhaps, instead of simply taking someone from one point of time to another – it transported you to where you needed to be. Or, in this case, _when_.

He sat on the rim of the well, watching her sleep and considered his options. He could do it all again, of course, but fate had given him another chance.

Again, Kagome's comments lingered in his mind. Perhaps she had been happier for having loved him? Was that possible? He wondered. There was one way to find out if she'd been happier, even if she'd yet to forgive him in the present time she had given him hope that she would if he just did the right thing. If she was still unhappy, despite forgiving him, he would let her go and never return, seeing to her happiness as a distant relative.

This time, he'd let it be her choice. He already knew how he felt, but needed to let her decide how she felt.

Was she better with him or without?

An hour and a half later and she awoke with a start, screaming out for Sachiko in a heartbreaking way only to pause and stare up at him in confusion. Her momentary bewilderment was quickly replaced with a growing anger. "What do you want?"

"Your presence has been requested."

Kagome raised an eyebrow at that, crossing her arms defiantly. "So? You don't have any right to ask me for anything."

Sesshomaru nodded. "It is not I who requests – but Katsurou."

That got her attention. Her eyes widened and she gasped lightly. She hadn't heard that name for some time and wondered if she could even trust Sesshomaru on this. No. He was many terrible things, but he wouldn't lie to her. She knew that was true, even if she hated him for it. As she considered the possibility of seeing Sesshomaru's son again, she was curious as to why the boy would even bother to speak with his father after such actions – even to see her again.

Giving a slow nod, she stood and dusted herself off. "Fine. I will go see him. Tell me where to go."

Sesshomaru stiffened. "May I at least have the pleasure of taking you there myself?"

It was her turn to stiffen and she frowned. "I'd rather you didn't."

"I can make the journey there much faster than you can."

Kagome sighed mentally and rolled her eyes. Damn him. "Okay, but no funny business. Got it?"

He nodded, but didn't give her a chance to do anything more as he took her in his arms once again – delighting in the gasp and faint blush that came from her as they rushed out of the well house and flew off. The wind whipped around them as they traveled, over treetops and over water, far from Japan.

When they landed, Kagome stared around her in confusion at the small enclosed garden before a door opened and an excited squeal rang out. As she turned to look, her heart sank into her stomach as she was sure she had seen a ghost. There, racing towards her with delight, was Rin.

"Lady Kagome!" The young woman called with joy, throwing her arms around the elder woman in a friendly embrace. "It's been so long! How have you been?"

The world was spinning.

"H… how?" Kagome said, tears welling in her eyes as she returned the hug and ran her hands over the dark locks of the very real and living Rin. Her brow furrowed in confusion and she turned to look for Sesshomaru, only to find that he was gone.

"Lord Sesshomaru is very understanding, Lady Kagome. You of all people should know that." Rin said with a laugh, tugging on Kagome's arm as she pulled her into the house. "Katsurou! There is someone to meet us!"

From inside what sounded and smelled like a kitchen, popped a very familiar white haired inu with narrow yellow-green eyes. He smiled broadly at her. "Kagome! How nice to see you again! How long has it been? A little over five hundred years?"

Kagome stumbled a bit, grasping against the wall beside her for support. Her legs felt wobbly. "How is this possible?" She managed to get out.

Katsurou gave a worried look to Rin who nodded and they helped Kagome down the hall and to the dining table. Once she was seated and given tea and food, they sat as well. Both were silent for a few moments before Rin spoke up. "What do you remember, Lady Kagome?"

The elder woman shook with shock as she stared down at her tea, tears running down her face as a sob escaped her. "You…" She looked up at Rin. "You died."

Rin laughed and nodded. "It wouldn't be the first time. What else do you remember?"

Kagome's lip quivered as she tried to make sense of everything. "Sesshomaru wouldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't save you. Wouldn't let you two…" Her eyes widened and she looked up at them. "Wouldn't let you be together."

Katsurou reached over, gently taking Rin's hand in his. "We've been mated for some time now. We have seven children, twenty grandchildren, eighty great-grandchildren and…" He frowned and began mentally counting.

"Two hundred and three great-great-grandchildren – with one on the way!" Rin beamed.

Kagome's jaw dropped open as she tried to be happy for them, but failed miserably. "How?"

"I suppose we should explain everything. It seems my father has been unable to tell you and you left so suddenly there was no time." Katsurou responded, taking a sip of his tea before finally telling her how things had really gone.


	6. Lives and Deaths

"Lady Kagome, may I ask you a question of a personal nature?" Rin asked, looking up at the woman from the book she was reading as the elder braided her hair while preparing for bed.

"Of course, what do you want to know?" Kagome asked, giving a knowing smile. Rin had clearly found a suitor that pleased her. It was written all over her face, hanging from her every wistful sigh. They had been traveling to various parts of Japan for months now, meeting with prospective husbands under the guise of Rin's studies and Kagome felt things had progressed well.

She was delighted to know that the young woman had found love. Part of her was also grateful that it was happening now – this would be her chance to escape from her own love. No. That was an awful thought, she should focus on the here and now. Helping Rin was her priority.

"What do you do if you love someone you cannot be with?"

Kagome stilled and blinked, did she know of her relationship with Sesshomaru? Deciding to play it off, she continued on as if nothing was happening. "I suppose that would depend on why I could not be with them."

Rin shifted, closing her book and sitting up. "He is from a wealthy family. He will not be the heir, but his family would still disapprove of the relationship."

Letting out a relieved sigh at the clear sign that Rin had not picked up on her romance with her guardian, Kagome considered what Rin was saying. Was there a young man in such a situation they had met? Perhaps one of the sons of a samurai family… they had met several by now due to Sesshomaru's connections.

She turned to look at the young woman seriously. Worry and sadness filled Rin's eyes as she waited for advice. Kagome's heart wrenched at the idea that Rin might be denied her own happiness. It was unfair – too unfair for Kagome to allow it. "Do you love him?" When the girl nodded, blushing furiously, Kagome smiled. "Then run away with him. Lord Sesshomaru will protect you."

Rin beamed, nodded. "I think so, too."

With that decided, both went to bed feeling more content than they had in days. A week would go by uneventfully. Kagome would teach Rin and Katsurou, blissfully unaware of their budding romance, and every evening when she would walk the garden with Sesshomaru the two young lovers would converse over their textbooks, all thought of studies forgotten.

On the eighth day since Rin's confession, Kagome would go to bed wondering what Rin planned to do. Her answer would come by the sound of screaming ripping her from sleep. Kagome jerked awake, sitting up in a rush and turning only to find the futon empty. Rin was gone. Kagome's eyes widened as the screaming intensified, and she ran outside to see that the entire house was in a frenzy.

"Lord Katsurou – of all! Lord Katsurou has been taken! Bewitched!" Called one youkai guardsman, spitting in Kagome's general direction, before turning back to the other guards with a firm gaze. "Turn over this entire residence and find her scent! She must be dealt with immediately!"

Kagome squeaked as she was shoved aside by an angry inu who proceeded to rip her room to shreds. The men sniffed the entire room, tossing books and clothes and other items all around while a surprised and angry Kagome gawked. "Excuse me! Please stop making such a mess!"

When Sesshomaru marched over to her, turning her to look down on her with anger, she blinked. "What is going on?" She asked, confused. What did they mean by Katsurou being bewitched?

"Rin has run off with Katsurou. Did you know of this?"

Kagome's eyes widened and her jaw dropped open in surprise. "I knew she was interested in a young man from a wealthy family – I didn't know it was Katsurou! I thought it was a _human_!"

Sesshomaru's eyes closed as he took in a slow breath, releasing Kagome and turning to speak to his guards. What Kagome would hear from them would haunt her for the rest of her life. "Find them. Bring them back here for punishment."

The head guard frowned. "Alpha has already said that the girl is to be killed on sight. Lord Katsurou will receive punishment when he is returned."

Kagome gasped. "Killed! What?"

Sesshomaru growled low and turned on his heel, moving towards the main part of the house only to freeze as Kagome's next words sealed his fate.

"Sesshomaru! You cannot let them kill her! I'll never forgive you if you do!" She cried out, tears streaming down her face as she glared at his back. All activity in the garden had ceased as every youkai present waited for Sesshomaru's response.

His jaw firmed, and he turned to glare at Kagome before looking to the head guard. "You have your orders." Without another word or look her way, Sesshomaru left Kagome there to gasp in disbelief.

For his part, Sesshomaru was livid but also concerned. How dare she speak up like that? What did she expect him to do or say? She had not used his title and made demands of him – in _public_. If he were to do what he wanted, which was to assure her that he would _never_ let Rin come to harm, not only he but his entire family was at risk. His pack would view him as weak. He and his pups would be lucky to survive.

He had been planning to reason with his mother, but that opportunity was lost on him. Instead, he had to come up with some sort of plan, a way to make this work without anyone knowing. He paced in his room and when news of Rin's murder came to him a few hours later; Sesshomaru had to swallow down the intense urge to kill those who had dared to harm a single hair on her head.

Katsurou was limp and almost lifeless, falling in a pathetic heap on the ground when the guards threw him before his father. As soon as they were in privacy, Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "You idiot! What did you think would happen? That you could just run away and pretend it …."

He paused mid lecture and reached down to lift the depressed youth. "Get up. We have to move quickly."

"What for? It's all pointless now. She's dead."

Sesshomaru nodded, gathering some things before turning to his son with a gleam in his eye. "It wouldn't be the first time. Let's go."

Katsurou's brow furrowed. "Go where?"

"To save your lover. Or are you going to be pathetic and lay around moping your existence away?" Sesshomaru asked, looking out the window before taking off into the night sky.

Katsurou gasped and followed. When they found Rin her body was badly mutilated but the young inu had hope. "You can use Tenseiga!"

Sesshomaru frowned. "Not quite. It can only be used directly on a soul once. We will not be the ones to revive Rin this time."

"But who?" Katsurou asked in confusion, only to growl low as his grandmother came from the darkness.

"She is here?" Sesshomaru nodded to his mother who went to stand beside the corpse of the young girl who had entangled herself in her son's life so thoroughly. Her amber gaze looked up into her grandson's and she smiled gently. "Do you truly love her?"

Katsurou nodded, feeling lost and confused at how his normally difficult and hard grandmother was being so kind. Several minutes later and a freshly washed and dressed Rin was in his arms, looking dazed but not at all confused as to what had happened.

"Sesshomaru, take your son and ward to China. They are dead to this pack now." She said with a wink as she turned to Katsurou. "Go and be happy."

"So, let me get this right…" Kagome interrupted. "Sesshomaru's mother revived Rin and sent you to China?"

Katsurou nodded. "That is correct."

Kagome frowned. "So why didn't I know about this?"

Rin and Katsurou exchanged a worried gaze before turning back to her. "By the time Lord Sesshomaru returned, you had already left." The young woman said, sorrow laced in her voice. "He was devastated."

Katsurou sighed. "We did not realize that my father loved you so deeply. While it was obvious that he respected you, he hid his desire for you very thoroughly until that day. From what I heard from my grandmother, he refused to even attempt to bear any more heirs. He would not even look at any of his mates – including my own mother, who had been a favorite of his. Eventually, other males claimed them and my father lost his rank in the pack."

Kagome gasped. "What about your grandmother? Couldn't you be Alpha now?"

Katsurou shook his head. "I do not exist to the pack now. As far as they are concerned, I am dead. My grandmother… well… even inu-youkai do not live forever, Lady Kagome."

The implications of his words weighed heavily in Kagome's heart. She had been such a fool and here she was wasting time!

Standing suddenly, she shook her head. "I have to go." She rushed out to the garden, her throat feeling tight as tears once more trailed down her face. "Sesshomaru!" She called out, hoping he had not given up on her as she had on him.

The sound of crickets chirping filled the long moments as she held her breath and waited for him to respond. She felt as if she was going to die from the crushing feeling in her chest. How had she been so stupid?

She had known he would never lie to her. Why hadn't she just trusted in him? No. She had to go and open her big mouth and ruin everything! Sure, he could have told her that all would be well right there before everyone – but she was beginning to realize that he was not the only one at fault here. She had been just as wrong as he.

Had she simply believed in him as her heart wanted, instead of being stubborn and fighting her love for him, she would have known to wait and see what he would do. She would have known that he would never allow anyone to hurt Rin like that. She would have known that, despite everything – he would love her and do anything for her happiness.

"Sesshomaru!" She cried out again, her voice cracking with her sobs as she crumbled to the ground and buried her face in her hands.

"What is wrong, Kagome?" His smooth voice came to her, concern apparent in his tone.

She looked up at him, sniffing back a fresh wave of tears and standing. When she launched herself at him, his eyes widened in surprise. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"

Sesshomaru stood there for a few moments, too startled by her sudden actions, before he enveloped her in his arms. "It is I who requires forgiveness. I should have listened to you."

Kagome shook her head. "I forgive you! I should have trusted that you would never do something that heartless! That your pride was not worth more than Rin's life! That…" Her voice cracked and she looked up at him, their gaze meeting. "That _I_ was worth more than your pride." She said softly.

He nodded, leaning down. Their noses brushed against one another, breaths mingling together as he slid his eyes closed. "You are forgiven, Kagome. You were always forgiven." Before she could let out the half laugh and half sob that tried to escape her, he claimed her lips with his.


	7. Lies and Truths

Kagome felt happy.

She also felt terrified.

Her hands trembled as she stared down at the little stick before her on the bathroom counter with a mixture of joy and dread. Positive. She was going to have Sesshomaru's child. His _hanyou_ baby.

Would he be happy?

Kagome had been dreading this for years now since she had come to accept her place at Sesshomaru's side. While she had never been happier in her life, she had also avoided the possibility of getting pregnant by feigning disinterest in his sexual advances during her highest times of fertility. It had worked well all this time, until she'd messed up.

To be perfectly fair to herself, any woman would have given in had they been so romanced as she was. Sesshomaru had really outdone himself this time. She had returned from work to find the house covered in candles and peony petals littering every surface. After a well crafted dinner, her favorite dish, he gave her a thorough oil massage.

They had conceived a child, apparently.

Kagome pouted and scowled at the offending stick of plastic. Somehow she just knew that Sesshomaru had planned this. He had been hinting at children for some time now, and while Kagome knew it was unfair to keep him hoping, she wasn't sure if he really understood what he was implying.

He couldn't possibly want to have children with her. She was a failure. Her only child had died before their second birthday. How could he possibly want to have such a tragic option as mother to any of his offspring?

Her hand went to her abdomen and she gave out a slow breath. It was too late now. The damage was done. She was going to have a baby. With a frown, she tossed the test into the trash and went to seek advice from her mother.

"Why do you think this is a bad thing, Kagome?" Her mother questioned as she sat across from her over warm tea. Her daughter sighed and rubbed small circles around her abdomen as she recounted how she had been such an utter failure before and how Sesshomaru deserved better. The elder woman laughed lightly. "Don't you believe that decision should be up to him?" Kagome shifted uncomfortably and her mother pursed her lips before standing. "I'll be right back."

When the woman returned she had a box Kagome had never seen before and she opened it after sitting again. Sifting through the contents, she finally pulled out a small picture that was dark and faded. Handing it over to Kagome with both hands, the young woman's eyes widened and she took it from her mother with as much respect as the elder was showing before looking down at the image of what appeared to be a sleeping baby.

"Who is this?"

"Your brother."

Kagome raised an eyebrow at that and scrutinized the photograph again. "Souta?" It didn't look like what she remembered him to look like, but that had been so long ago.

"Your _other_ brother." Her mother pulled out a folded piece of paper, handing it to Kagome as well before taking a slow drink of her tea.

Perhaps her mother had gone a little crazy. She didn't recall having another brother. Kagome frowned and opened the paper to reveal a certificate of death. Her breath hitched as she saw the date. Nearly three years before her birth – a son born to her mother and father date of birth and death the same – _stillbirth_ was listed as the cause of death.

Kagome's hand trembled as she looked up at her mother in suddenly a new light. She swallowed hard. "How did you…" Her voice cracked as she tried to ask what she wanted to say, but found she was failing. She wanted to ask her mother how she survived through it and still managed to have both her and Souta. She wanted to ask how her mother slept through the night without crying for her lost baby.

Her mother sighed. "It never gets easy, Kagome. For some time I thought I was a failure as well. Your father's family hadn't wanted us to be together – he had another woman already picked by his parents to be his bride – but we were in love and chose to go against their wishes. After… after losing Hiroshi, it was surprisingly my mother in law who helped me heal. I felt lost and went to apologize to her for having failed her son and her family." Her mother laughed and shook her head.

"She scoffed and slapped me, then held me as I cried and told me that I was the woman her son had chosen and that made me infinitely more qualified to bear his children than any other woman." Her mother paused, taking a drink of her tea before continuing. "I knew she was right. I was dishonoring my child's memory by failing to be a good mother to future children and dishonoring my husband's choice to have me as his children's mother, simply for something that was beyond my control."

The younger woman nodded, taking it all in, but it was not until her mother came to kneel next to her and pulled her into her embrace that she truly allowed herself to cry. Kagome knew her mother was right, she always was. Sachiko's death was not her fault and was something she could not have prevented.

By blaming herself for that and feeling that she was inadequate for the duty of having another child, she was essentially saying that Sesshomaru had made a poor choice. More than that, she was ruining the memory of what time she had been a mother – a _good_ mother, to Sachiko. They all deserved better, Sachiko, Sesshomaru, and her.

Kagome left her mother's home with a newfound sense of purpose. She would no longer live worrying about if she was suitable for the task at hand, but assume that she was. Destiny would decide how long she would have the opportunity to prove that this time.

* * *

><p>Months later, Kagome awoke to the feel of a hand brushing against her forehead. She looked up to see Sesshomaru, content and exhausted, sitting beside her in a rather uncomfortable shaped chair.<p>

"How is he?" She asked.

"Perfect." A faint smile came to his lips as he leaned back and rested. "I have waited some time for this moment."

"Oh? What moment?" She expected him to say something cheesy, like about how he had been waiting to have a child with her but she'd been avoiding it. What he said next both startled and amazed her.

"For the birth of my true heir."

Kagome blushed and blinked in confusion. "I don't understand. I thought your heir should be one that had all the qualities that your pack was looking for?"

Sesshomaru nodded and placed his palm on Kagome's chest, over her beating heart. "My pack has changed significantly." He stared down on her amazed and bewildered face, knowing that she may not fully ever understand that she had once been lost to him and that having a child born of his love for her was worth far more than any status. Kagome was his now, and he would cherish all that entailed. Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Yes, the beautiful, lovely woman that he loved – **_his_**_ mate._ May she _never_ forget it.

**FIN**


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